Not even Claude Monet could enrich the Western Australian political landscape right now; as a contest it is bleak and foreboding.
Already destitute after the perfect election storm hit last March, the opposition ended 2021 with some unsavoury business outstanding.
James Hayward may have quit The Nationals WA over child sex charges, but his deep-seated ties to the party will not be forgotten as reporters cover the court case.
Meanwhile, The Liberal Party of WA will have to endure more from the grubby laptop affair involving former Legislative Council politician Phil Edman.
Now that an access deal has been struck between the parliament, the Corruption and Crime Commission and WA Police, the computer will be taken from a locked safe.
Its contents, according to Mr Edman, include “enough stuff … to bury a lot of people” and “ruin their political careers forever”.
“There’s videos and pictures of lots of lovely little collections that I’ve got on there,” he boasted during an intercepted telephone call in 2019.
Given Mr Edman’s well-documented fondness of Soapland massage parlours in Tokyo, strip clubs in Perth and sugar daddy dating websites across the country, the laptop will likely live up to expectations.
When discussing its potential damage to the Liberals before the 2021 election, then party leader Zak Kirkup asked me to place my mobile phone outside of the room to ensure it was not recording (or being used as a listening device).
He even regarded my wristwatch – an analogue G-Shock – to be a security threat. True story.
If that level of paranoia still exists within the greatly diminished party room, then it is because the Liberals foresee further scandal in 2022.
There is also more of ‘The Clan’ saga to play out.
It is rare to see a political party open its own can of worms from the inside.
Even more extraordinary was watching how the worms managed to close it again.
The fact is, those affiliated with The Clan still have the numbers inside the party machine where they count.
A post-election review – and its apocalyptic forecast for the party – have prompted some elder statesmen to stamp their feet.
They want senior players Peter Collier and Nick Goiran to quit politics, citing comments posted on The Clan’s now infamous WhatsApp chat group.
“The negative public commentary through the media about their activities has brought the reputation of the party into disrepute,” a statement from the new Liberal Reform Coalition read.
That might be true, but no-one in the parliamentary party will say it for fear of the real powerbrokers exacting revenge.
Liberal leader David Honey is in The Clan’s grip and does his best to avoid the elephant in the room.
Libby Mettam is his deputy, and the only other Liberal in the 59-seat Legislative Assembly.
She looks like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights whenever the C-word is mentioned.
Becoming abundantly clear as time passes is the need for the Liberals and Nationals to form a contractual coalition ahead of the 2025 state election.
It is the only pathway to being a credible threat, let alone winning back power.
Offering up Nationals leader Mia Davies as the alternative premier would be the smart play.
Thrust into the role of opposition leader in unprecedented times, Ms Davies has been impressive. She cuts through in front of the cameras.
Combine that with a strategic seat-by-seat agreement and the two minority parties would at least have a fighting chance.
By the way, the Liberals’ bank account resembles Perth Airport during a lockdown.
In comparison, the Labor Party raised a record $12.6 million in donations in 2020-21 from atop its pandemic pedestal.
The only other possibility for the opposition would be the arrival of a new messiah to lead them out of the wilderness.
Some Labor ministers firmly believe the conservatives will turn to media all-rounder and Perth Lord Mayor Basil Zempilas at some point.
He boasts an immediate high profile and enjoys the unashamed backing of his print and television bosses at Seven West Media.
I understand at least one Liberal fixer has already reached out to him.
