In 2016 Kath Koschel walked out of her Sydney apartment to embark on a social experiment. She wore a backpack; inside was a phone, a charger, an empty water bottle and a spare change of clothes. She had no money, food or water. Her idea was simple, she wanted to see how far and how long she could travel by relying on the kindness of strangers.
Over Kath’s two month journey she travelled from Sydney to Melbourne to Adelaide onto Perth, Brisbane and finally Darwin all on donated meals, airfares and beds. In her book Kindness, Kath wrote that the main thing she’d learnt during this time was “human beings crave connection, we were born to connect.” She mused on whether our lives had become so technologically advanced that we’d simply forgotten how to relate to one another on a meaningful level.
It’s a common catch cry that society is more connected than any other time in human history, yet also more disconnected. I would argue that the human struggle for connection is in a constant state of flux and we must be wary of putting on rose-coloured glasses whilst talking about the good ol’ days.
“a man must be clothed with society, or we shall feel a certain bareness and poverty, as of a displaced and unfurnished member. He is to be dressed in arts and institutions, as well as body garments” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson in his 1857 essay Solitude and Society. Emerson’s essay suggests that once humankind satisfies its basic needs the higher wants of socialisation become imperative. Fast forward 156 years and Dr. Matthew Lieberman’s research revealed that our need to connect with other people is even more fundamental than our need for food and shelter. In his 2013 book Social: Why our brains are wired to connect, Lieberman analysed over a decade of social neuroscience research. Dr. Lieberman investigated how our brains respond to social engagement, discovering that when our brain isn’t focussed on a specific task it will use its spare time (or default network) to learn about and master the social world. By the time a child turns 10 they have spent over 10,000 hours learning to make sense of people and groups and their place within them.
Is the child who is given an iPad whilst out to dinner with family accumulating the 10,000 hours of social observation that Lieberman believes is essential to human connection? One would argue not, but using technology as the scapegoat is too simplistic. Yes, these devices have altered how we relate to the world, but they are not solely responsible for altering how humans connect. Mobile phones and other forms of technology are merely instruments assisting the social character of our society.
Our social character is the dominant mode of psychological conformity that any cohesive society instils in its members. American sociologist David Riesman famously identified 3 social characters in his 1950’s book The Lonely Crowd: tradition-directed, inner-directed and other-directed. When this book was written 75 years ago Riesman hypothesised that the rise in consumable goods and material abundance accompanied a shift from the tradition and inner-directed social framework to an other-directed modality. Being other-directed meant individuals would identify themselves through comparisons to others in their communities. This was in direct contrast to inner-directed personality types who navigated life by relying upon principles implanted in them by their parents.
An other-directed society would rely on the cues of others, particularly peer groups, coworkers and the mass media (in addition to their parents) to help them find their way in the world. Riesman argued that other-directed individuals would be helpful for the smooth functioning of modern organisations but that in return, society will have deficiencies in leadership, individual self-knowledge and human potential. An other-directed society will identify themselves in reference to what others wear, earn, consume, believe, which inherently restricts their ability to know themselves. Australian actor Toni Collette sums it up perfectly, “The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world”.
In 2024 the World Health Organisation (WHO) launched a Commission on Social Connection that aims to see the issue of human connection recognised and resourced as a global public health priority. The Commission will spend three years mobilising awareness, action and support for the solutions to tackle social isolation and loneliness. 1 in 4 adults globally report experiencing social isolation with a lack of social connection being linked to serious physical and mental health issues.
We have experienced a societal shift coupled with a rise in new technology and although human beings are adapted to being highly social, the organisations through which we live our lives are not adapted to us.
The World Health Organisation is currently reviewing their collected evidence and research to formulate broad national policies that will provide leaders and practitioners with an evidence-based approach to improve our global social connection, but what can we do at a grass roots level?
Kath Koschel believes human connections are cultivated through the building blocks of kindness. These blocks include self-acceptance, perspective, humility, gratitude, mindfulness, positivity, collaboration, empathy, trust, humour, honesty and compassion. Her kindness journey saw her receive 10,000 offers of help and she was able to connect with 98 of those offers. 98 meaningful human connections that all started on social media.
So, is social media and technology really to blame for our disconnected society or could it be a case of user error?
